Getting a Divorce

What Makes A Couple A Good Candidate For Divorce Mediation?

Marriages can end for a variety of reasons but knowing what those reasons are can be important for the divorce process. Divorce mediation is best for couples separating on amicable terms, or who can at least speak with each other reasonably. Couples with children, aiming to have a cooperative relationship despite the divorce, also benefit more often from mediation. Divorce mediation focuses on the cost of the divorce, in both money and effort, first and foremost.

It Benefits Those Who Part Amicably

Any good divorce mediator will tell you that a couple with children benefit from divorce mediation. One study showed roughly 79% of couples with children who received mediation fought less in the period after their mediation was completed. The children were also asked whether the former couple could cooperate better, or displayed intense arguing before their children, and the study suggested those who sought mediation were more likely to act civil in the child’s eyes.

Divorce mediation also tends to be more forgiving for parents or spouses after the settlement is reached. Arbitration and litigation can set strict guidelines for both sides to achieve, such as child support payment or reparations. These can be harsh or imbalanced for those whose jobs or living situations will be in flux shortly after the divorce, even if the party intending to receive these payments would prefer to show leniency to the other party in the divorce while they recover.

Couples Who Already Know What They Want

Divorce mediation works on the premise that both sides are seeking to reach an agreement. The divorce mediator speaks their mind and helps to outline who is responsible for what costs, and what settlements both parties might receive, but all decisions are reached by the divorcing couple. So, if a couple is unsure of their assets, or simply need a disagreement settled, mediation can help. But when both parties are seeking reparations, arbitration is the better option.

The costs of mediation are lower than the costs of arbitration or civil court. So if both spouses have an idea about what they should receive, and the two beliefs have a large degree of overlap, this can be a sign to use divorce mediation. Divorce mediation is arguably the most cost-efficient manner of settling disagreements caused by the divorce process, and either party can cancel the mediation at any time if they feel that mediation simply wasn’t the right option.

It’s Best for Equals Seeking Privacy

Divorce mediation is best for spouses who treat each other as relative equals during the divorce. Couples divorcing due to domestic abuse or power balances in the relationship should not seek mediation. Most mediators don’t know these circumstances before the meeting, and the domineering spouse can quickly swing the negotiations in their favour. Likewise, victims of abuse often feel validated by speaking to a mediator and become emboldened during the dividing process.

Divorce mediation is also a good choice for spouses who seek an interpersonal discussion with minimal interference. Because mediation focuses on having the two spouses reach an agreement, the meetings are usually restricted to only the two spouses and the mediator themselves. Relatives or friends can be disbarred from the mediation to avoid third-party interests that might muddy the discussion and lead to a more tense, divisive negotiations.

Conclusion

Divorce mediation isn’t a process that is right for every couple. Those who argue about the fundamental elements of the divorce, or whose marriage was short and had few entanglements may wish to skip it. Divorce mediation is also a poor choice for those seeking validation or to prove who’s “right” and “wrong”. But good candidates for mediation include those with children, those who seek a working relationship afterwards, or those who want to keep divorce costs low.

Author of this article is Judith Goldberg   https://judithgoldberg.com/

Advice For Dads Surviving The Divorce Process

The decision to get divorced is one of the hardest ones you will ever make, and when there are children involved, that gets even harder.

As a father, it can be hard to know what your place should be and how your relationship with your children will be affected. Divorce is never easy, but there are ways to get through it relatively unscathed.

Behaviour

There is a tendency to want to defend ourselves in the strongest possible way when faced with accusations, insults or bitterness, but this can often make things worse. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore what is being said to you, but exert some control and try not to retaliate. By reacting in a more rational manner you can be more careful and thoughtful, and avoid providing ammunition that can be used against you later.

It is important to think about how you behave at all times. Keep your drink and drug intake under control and avoid getting into a scene in public and avoid all forms of abuse. These will all lead to questions about your levels of responsibility and your reputation that will all favour the mother in court.

Many men feel that it is their place to move out of the family home when the marriage breaks down. By doing this before the divorce is complete, you automatically give your wife practical custody and therefore a stronger position in any custody battle. You may find yourself sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa and keeping your head down, but by staying at home you still get to be a daily parent.

Keeping Records

In the midst of a court battle, it is easy to forget the details of what has happened and when. Try to keep a written record of what is done and said in the divorce process and the dates that these things occur. If anything negative happens publically, make a note of any witnesses.

You should also keep a record of your finances, including your own spending, what you give to your partner and what you spend on the family bills. Make sure that you print out your bank statements regularly to keep a track of any withdrawals made by your spouse.

This will all help in negotiations to provide accurate representations of what happens and what your financial obligations are.

Get Legal Advice

There is a stereotype that men are not good at asking for help, but in this case you have to. Get yourself a family law solicitor as soon as possible who can help to guide you through the process. Look for recommendations and reputation to make sure you are represented by someone who has your best interests at heart. They will be able to advise you on every aspect of the divorce but it is important that you remain open and honest with them at all times.

Also make sure that you seek emotional support from those closest to you. Divorce can be a lonely time, so don’t be afraid to find someone to lean on.

The Children

The children can often be forgotten about during a divorce, so make sure you keep talking to them and maintain a positive relationship. Whilst it is good to be open with them about what is happening, avoid talking negatively about their mother in front of them.

Divorce is an unpredictable thing, so be prepared for a bumpy ride. You may be faced with a lot of things you weren’t expecting and many of them will seem unfair, but keep calm and be prepared and you will eventually come out the other side.

Fletcher Day are a full service law firm based in Mayfair, London. Their team of divorce lawyers for men can advise on a range of matters relating to family law including divorce, prenuptial agreements, civil partnerships and separation agreements.

Five Things Learned From A Decade In The Divorce-Sphere

Divorce, irrespective of what may have caused it, is  difficult. Marriage, after all, is an institution founded on hope; on the belief that whilst there may be difficult times ahead, both spouses are better together than they are alone. Accepting that this is no longer the case is tough – but it can be made easier!

For the past ten years, I’ve worked with people who have been going through divorce. During this time, I’ve learnt that by approaching your divorce in the right way, you can make it significantly less painful and harmful, for both yourself and anyone else who may be involved.

Here are the five most important things I’ve learned about divorce and why they’ll help you and others through the process:

Be kind to yourself

We all tend to be analytical when things go wrong. This isn’t necessarily harmful, unless you start being hard on yourself. Instead, be kind to yourself by reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that you’re going to learn from them.

By treating yourself well, you’ll naturally be more empathetic meaning that you’ll be kinder to not just yourself but your soon-to-be former spouse, children and anyone else, too.

Dispel your expectations

One of the main reasons divorce is difficult is that, once we’ve decided our marriage needs to end, we also know that much of what we had envisaged for the future is now no longer possible or has fundamentally changed. By letting go of your expectation and going with the flow, you’ll be better prepared for the emotional twists and turns that lie ahead.

Let others do for you

During testing times, there’ll be moments when staying strong just isn’t an option. Try to ‘power-through’ every difficult moment during a divorce and you’ll find yourself feeling overwhelmed. That’s why it’s absolutely vital that you establish a support network of empathetic, caring and approachable friends and family.

Don’t forget that it’s equally important that you ask for help when you need it, though. You’d be amazed how many people tell those closest to them about the fact that they’re getting a divorce only to then feel too embarrassed or even ashamed to call or visit them when they’re finding things difficult.

Everyone needs help from time to time and there’s no shame in that! Divorce is tough, so it’s only natural to reach out for that little bit of help every now and then.

Find the positives

We know that ending a marriage has negative consequences. You’re not going to be able to split your household bills anymore; you’ll be solely responsible for the children most of the time or won’t see them as often; there’ll be more evenings without adult company. Yes, there are drawbacks, but remember that you’re getting divorced for a reason, so try and find the positives.

Whether it’s using the weekends when the children are away for some ‘me time’, being able to decorate your home the way you always wanted to or anything else, there are always positives provided you’re willing to look for them.

Don’t fight your thoughts

Considering that this article has previously advised readers to refrain from beating themselves up, to avoid expectations and promote positive thoughts over negative ones, this advice may seem contradictory, but there’s a big difference between having negative thoughts and indulging them.

Sadly, we will always have negative thoughts – we’re hardwired to and stress only exacerbates this. Whilst they’re inevitable, though, this is largely automated and, by simply letting them be, we’ll be less likely to look for solutions. This, in turn, prevents us from ruminating – which is actually what makes negative thoughts a cause of genuine worry and discomfort.

Conclusion:

There can be little doubt that ending a marriage is a process that is more than capable of having significant and adverse effect on all involved but, by adhering to the advice given above whenever possible, this can be largely negated.   

Jay Williams, author of this article,  works for Quickie Divorce, an online provider of divorce solutions. He lives in Cardiff, Wales with his wife and two-year-old daughter, Eirys.