Co-parenting

Creative Child Care Solutions As A Single Parent

It can be challenging juggling childcare as a single parent. The key is to have Plan B. Seems children get sick when a parent has a mandatory meeting or work project.   Enlist people ahead of time to be available in case of an emergency. Several parents I know have used up all of their stick leave on ill babies and toddlers. They learned the hard way to have someone on speed dial for that eventuality. Talk to a neighbour to see if they are able to be a last-minute fill in if your little one needs to come home from school. Possibly a friend who works from home can plug a childcare gap when you have to be on the job. You can reciprocate the favour another time.

If you have your own office it may be feasible to bring along an older child who is recovering. Pack books, art supplies and snacks. My insurance agent allows his secretary to have her son there after school every day while she does her tasks She has her boy go into the waiting area when a client needs to speak to her. Maybe you can make arrangements to work at home if your child has a stomach bug. Several offices permit older kids to take over the conference room during a bank holiday or short break. This helps the organizations to keep their employees on the job. Some hospitals and companies have nurseries, like the one I attended where my mother was a nurse. Ask co-workers how they are handling their childcare needs.

If you are able to negotiate with your co-parent, perhaps you can split up school holidays. Then neither one of you has to find childcare for the entire period. Some divorced people remain on good terms with former in-laws who are happy to babysit. They enjoy seeing the grandchildren and the single parent on a tight budget gets a break. In one case, a woman’s former mother-in-law watched her daughter and a divorced friend’s one also. The girls had great fun with that gran.

Talk to your friends and see if they are willing to share a nanny. Parents I know hired a caregiver who watches a group of children and rotates houses on a weekly basis. It is cheaper when more parents share a caregiver. I did this with my older son. One’s family can help out too. My mum did some of the school runs after my divorce.

If you and your friends are on flexible or different work schedules, consider watching each other’s kids. This also is helpful when you want a bit of time to yourself or to get errands done quickly. Check into what clubs or activities there are after school. Often, they are free or low cost. Scouts, sports and chess are a few of them. My mother sent me to sleep over or day camp when she wanted to pick up extra shifts as a nurse. Then she had a block of time to be off from the hospital to spend with me.

When married, I ran a medical practice plus was the nurse. Soon after my divorce I changed jobs within my profession that would better suit my childcare needs. I became a school nurse with a work schedule that coincided with my sons’ one. See if you can change jobs or tweak the one you already have. My solicitor that I hired for post-divorce issues, left the law office everyday by 4 pm to be with her young daughter. She returned e-mails or read documents when the girl was doing homework or in bed. Other people have been able to adjust their jobs to work part-time from home.

Please read more   https://www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk/post-divorce-single-parent/

 

 

 

 

Marriage & Divorce Globally- A Statistical Comparison

Divorce

There’s nothing wrong with divorce and it shouldn’t be seen as a dirty word. The fact that it conflicts with various world religions’ teachings and traditions was a reason for prejudice surrounding divorce in the past. Thankfully in progressive society, although it is something never to be taken lightly and family values are still at the forefront in the world of parenting, divorce is an accepted option. No one deserves to be trapped in an unhappy marriage that may be affecting their children negatively as well.

Data from 2014 divulges divorce rates (divorce to marriage ratio) by country in an interesting and easily interpreted diagram here. What we can gather from this data is that the traditional view of religion or conservative religious belief holding marriages together and affecting divorce rates doesn’t always ring true. Chile is a religious country and consequently does have a very low divorce rate. However a predominantly Catholic country like Spain actually appears to have a much higher rate of divorce than the relatively secular Scandinavian counties. How divorce is perceived internationally is often dependent on a country’s societal and cultural attitudes not just religion. The research does have its limitations with information missing for various countries.

Further studies have shown that within the US the Bible belt doesn’t necessarily have lower rates of divorce in comparison with the rest of the country. Although the south-central and south eastern states have long been associated with the promotion of conservative views both politically and socially, the data suggests that divorce rates don’t correlate with the higher rates of religion in these areas.

Marriage

Findings amongst OECD countries show that the number of marriages in recent years is declining. This runs concurrently with the average age of people when they decide to marry increasing. In some countries it is common to marry at a much older age than others, this can be accounted for by the culture of prolonged co-habitation before marriage which is prominent in Scandinavia for example. This indicates that a decline in marriages isn’t automatically a bad thing! People taking further consideration before getting involved in a serious legal and loving engagement can be a sensible course of action.

Something to keep in mind when comparing global divorce and marriage statistics is that there is a big variance in divorce process, length, cost and procedure as well as varying stipulations which all affect the average marriage and divorce length and rates.

Divorce perceptions

Divorce will most likely always have a certain amount of taboo attached to it. A survey in the UK found that half of couples that divorce feel ashamed and a sense of failure, with women twice as likely as men to express these feelings. This can partly be attributed to the added and unequal societal pressure and expectation placed on women in these situations. I’ll go back to what I said earlier, nobody deserves to be unhappy or trapped and it doesn’t have to be somebody’s fault that things didn’t work out. You shouldn’t have to feel judged; frequently divorce is in the best interests of the whole family.

Some people will tell you that parenting only really starts post-divorce and it is certainly true that challenges occur when you begin parenting separately, sharing custody and co-parenting using two different houses. Not to mention when you start to design and agree on a custody schedule. There are plenty of resources available online and on this website to help you become accustomed to this new situation. Whichever country you reside in, if you are separating from your partner, don’t worry. Millions of people are going through the same process, you are not alone!

Krishan Smith, author of this article, is the new senior editor at Custody X Change, a custody software specialist company. He’s originally from the UK but now living in Colombia.

 

Parenting and Co-Parenting: Country Comparisons

Different approaches to child raising

Internationally there are always going to be differences in most aspects of life from culture to food, sport to conduct. Parenting is no exception, with a new culture comes a new perspective. With new perspectives come opportunities for learning and adaptation.

Many countries adopt a group parenting method, where extended family and more often than not close family friends collectively help look after and raise children. This usually occurs in countries where large close families are common but also where family time is of paramount importance. This includes countries such as Spain, Italy, Greece, India, Brazil and Colombia. The fact that internationally children are staying at home until a later age could actually aid this system and improve extended family relations, whilst hopefully instilling some responsibility in the otherwise dependent child!

Japan is interesting in that the idea of spoiling children is relatively foreign to the Japanese, co-sleeping is the norm and a baby’s cries are always responded to without fear of over-spoiling. They hold dear to the mantra of unconditional love whilst simultaneously managing to raise children who are more independent than in the majority of other countries. Children in Japan learn to make journeys and use public transport alone from a very early age!

Parental leave can be incredibly important for developmental bonding between parents and children. Scandinavian countries have long offered a system whereby mothers and fathers can share parental leave, something only recently adopted in the United Kingdom and relatively non-existent in the US (except in California). By contrast in Sweden fathers are said to have up to 480 days of paternity leave!

Single parent trends  

You can find some interesting data and statistics on general households and single parents in OECD countries here. The data sheds light on the position of the US in terms of single parent mother/father households in comparison to other developed nations. Amongst these nations Denmark and the United Kingdom have the highest percentage of single parent households with 29% and 28% respectively; the United States is just behind with 27%.

Single mother households always outnumber single father households; however the US has a relatively high number of single father households, according to the 2016 census 40% of these being due to divorce. Statistics show that sadly many of these single parent families are not receiving support from their ex-spouse. The good news is that these family situations are becoming more acceptable socially and prejudice/societal pressure is not as strong as it once was.

In summary   

There’s no perfect formula but don’t be afraid to seek inspiration globally for any parenting questions or issues you may have. Furthermore don’t overlook the importance of reaching an agreement with your ex-partner in regards to co-parenting. It may seem acceptable to keep this agreement verbal but later down the road you may come to regret this. Opinions change and disputes arise, it can pay to have certain points written down. Attorneys can help you draft these documents or you can use custody software to generate co-parenting agreements/schedules. If you’re divorced and looking to share custody of your child from different countries or areas of the world then mediation can help the situation. You need to reach key agreements, design a specific but flexible parenting plan and keep communication a central theme of your and your child’s relationship. This last point cannot be emphasized enough!

Krishan Smith, author of this article, is the new senior editor at Custody X Change, a custody software specialist company. He’s originally from the UK but now living in Colombia.