DIVORCE

Moving On After A Divorce Or Break Up

Moving on Mentally After A Divorce

In the United States of America, a couple divorces every 13 seconds. Divorce has become a norm in our world today but this does not mean the process is any less painful or stressful. By the age of 50, more than 90 percent of Americans get married but almost half of them do not find their happily ever after. For some, it has been a long hard decision taken over months or years spent trying to make their relationship work. For others, it is swift and sometimes unexpected. So how do you move on from a divorce? Here are just a few tips to get you started.

Accept & Let Go

The first step to moving on from a divorce can be one of the hardest. It is facing the situation and acknowledging the end of your marriage. The period immediately after can be emotional and unpredictable; ranging from sadness over lost dreams to regrets and denial over your decision.

It is completely okay to mourn the loss of your marriage. No one enters a marriage thinking they would like to get divorced. In fact, it is important that you let yourself feel the loss and come to terms with it. Grief is a natural reaction to loss.

Reconnect with Yourself

Whether it is through self-reflection, venting to a close friend or counselling, reconnect with your spiritual side. Begin by focusing on yourself. Banish any negative unwanted thoughts and look to defining your self-worth. Your marriage may be over but there are many positive things you may have to offer. Realize that your failed marriage does not define you.

As you begin to find your true self again, a clear understanding of what you want and what makes you truly happy will help you move forward. Finally, self-reflection and acceptance mean addressing your responsibility in the breakdown of your marriage. It is vital that you not only recognize your part but make peace with it and learn from your mistakes for your future relationships. Understand that you cannot change the past events and you cannot change your ex-partner. What you can change, however, is yourself.

Make the Shift

Finally, one of the most important steps is making the change in mindset. This can easily be judged as one of the most difficult parts of moving on and requires the commitment to moving on.  In the beginning, it is normal to grieve over what occurred but now it is time to commit to being happy again. This does not mean that all the feelings of sadness or loss automatically disappear. Instead, spend time focusing on the future and exercise the strength to put a time limit on the self-pitying mindset that may still pop up from time to time. It is the perfect time to pursue those unfulfilled dreams of yours that got lost in the translation of your marriage.

In reality, life is not written as the fairy tales are and we do not always end up having that happily ever after. While incredibly painful, divorce can also serve as a catalyst for growth and self-evolution. This does not happen overnight; there is no time limit. However, with these tips, you can slowly begin the process. After all, why shouldn’t you find happiness again?

Author of this article, Lucy Wyndham, is a freelance writer and former Financial Advisor. After a decade in industry, she took a step backward to spend more time with her family and to follow her love of writing.

 

10 Places We Throw Away Money – Guide for the Newly Single

Every year we spend too much money. We are simply used to convenience, and we will part with our hard earned money for it. This is the pitfall of many annual budgets, but there is hope. Throwing away money is a practice that simply needs to be reversed, and while there is no magic wand to make it happen right away, there are things to be done to bandage the hemorrhaging wallet.

1. Smartphone Apps

Why are we paying for smartphone apps when there are free versions to nearly all of them? Stop paying for what you can get for free. If you feel like you need an app, ask yourself why you need it. Wait 24 hours, then ask yourself why again. This will help you decide if the purchase is worth the money.

2. Gym Memberships

It’s been said before, but it stands to be said again. Many people get gym memberships with good intentions, but never use them. Be honest with yourself, and let go of that membership if you’re really not using it.

3. Buying Coffee

Sit back and consider how much is spent weekly on that cup of coffee from the fancy coffee shop. Coffee beans are not worth the label attached. Make coffee at home and bring it with you.

4. Cars

Car payments are avoidable if you sell your current car then pay cash for something used. Car leases, when trying to save money, make no sense at all. If you have a car payment, pay it off and avoid getting another one. Avoid leases at all costs.

5. Car Washes and Their Upgrades

Some people wash their car in the driveway, which is overall cheaper than using a car wash. However, if you must use a car wash, skip the upgrades. While it’s important to keep the road waste off the car, it’s not important to get it waxed and hand-dried. Take care of only the necessities.

6. Lottery Tickets

There’s a reason why it’s statistically more likely to get hit by lightning than it is to win the lottery, yet some people continue with this expense every week. Stop buying lottery tickets. Instead, invest $100 into a retirement account every month. You’ll retire with nearly a million dollars.

7. Shipping Costs

This is one of the biggest places where people throw away money. It is cheaper to use the gas in the car and go to the store than it is to pay someone to bring you the groceries. Stay off the Internet for purchases and you’ll save money. You’ll also think harder about purchases, because you’ll be inconvenienced in its acquisition.

8. Timeshares

Timeshares are expensive ways to hold a place to stay while on vacation. It seems silly to buy into one of these when hotels, beach houses, and short-term rentals are a growing industry. Get rid of the timeshare and save a large chunk of change.

9. ATM Fees

These fees add up fast when you’re taking money from an out-of-network ATM. Avoid this by using only ATM’s set up by your bank. You’ll save up to $5 for every transaction.

10. Unused Subscriptions

Many companies lure customers into a free 30-day trial, then watch the money roll in after customers forget to cancel during the trial period. Make sure you’re not paying for a subscription you’re not using because you missed your cancellation window.

Author of this article, Lucy Wyndham, is a freelance writer and former Financial Advisor. After a decade in industry, she took a step back to spend more time with her family and to follow her love of writing.

Top Ten Concerns That Divorcees Have about Dating Again

The time will come when you might want to consider dating again after your divorce.  It may seem a bit of a leap into the unknown and it’s not unusual to feel worried. We asked divorcees what things most worried them about dating after their break-up, and there was quite a range:  from worries about sex, to finding a someone who will love their dog!
Here were the 10 most common.
1. Am I ready? 
Well done! It’s good that you are asking yourself this question. Only you can really decide, but bear in mind that you can just try a date and if it doesn’t feel right, you can stop again.
2. I don’t know if I’ll remember how to date!
There’s no right or wrong way (within reason). A date is just an opportunity for you to be yourself with someone else. Your date can expect no more of you.
3. I’ve never done online dating
It may feel like a scary way of doing things – or something you are eager to have a go at. Give it a whirl, trying to keep hold of your common sense and enthusiasm – nothing ventured, nothing gained.
4. I’m the wrong side of 40, I need to find someone quick…
Try not to rush things.  Do you know what you want in a date or a relationship, and what you need to be happy?  Taking time to think about what you need will help you find a partner who is a good match.
5. All the good people are taken – only the crazies are left!
This is NOT true! Although you could say we all have our crazy moments!  Lots of people are starting again for all sorts of acceptable and common and NORMAL reasons. And if you are on the market again, why not someone like you?
6. I’m scared of rejection
If you are feeling very fragile, take some time before you start dating, particularly online dating, which can require a bit of a thick skin. Ask a suitable friend, family member or therapist to support you in building up your self-esteem.
7. No one will want me. I don’t like the way I look, why would anyone else?
Many people feel less confident in their bodies or looks than they once did post divorce. This has knock on affects on their sexual confidence.
Try not to date until you feel confident and desirable – work on your self-esteem before you hop into bed with someone.  Remember you probably fancy people for qualities other than
their appearance – it’s the whole package. Make sure you remember everything that you have to offer.
8. Will I have to have sex on the first date?
It’s a common misconception that you are expected to have sex on the first date.  NOT TRUE!  You should only have sex when you want to and feel comfortable – ‘make friends before you make love’.
9. Dating makes me miss my ex
This is a not uncommon, especially if you meet someone who you don’t click with.  Make a list of why your ex was not suitable for you and a list of what you are looking for. This should help you to focus on why you should move forward instead of looking backwards.
10. How will my children take it?
Make sure that you allow your children enough time to grieve and adapt to your new situation. Before you introduce your children to a new partner, wait a sensible amount of time to understand and trust the person you are dating.
Authors of this article, Lucy Davis and Isabelle Hung, run  The Divorce Club  www.divorceclub.com     an online support network for people going through divorce and separation.     Wendi’s Note: The Divorce Club in London is a great way to meet others who are going through similar experiences. Wisdom and laughter are shared at Lucy’s get-togethers through this MeetUp.com group.