Five Things Learned From A Decade In The Divorce-Sphere

I’ll start this article with a statement no-one can disagree with: divorce, irrespective of what may have caused it, is  difficult. Marriage, after all, is an institution founded on hope; on the belief that whilst there may be difficult times ahead, both spouses are better together than they are alone. Accepting that this is no longer the case is tough – but it can be made easier!

For the past ten years, I’ve worked with people who have been going through divorce. During this time, I’ve learnt that by approaching your divorce in the right way, you can make it significantly less painful and harmful, for both yourself and anyone else who may be involved.

Here are the five most important things I’ve learned about divorce and why they’ll help you and others through the process:

Be kind to yourself

We all tend to be analytical when things go wrong. This isn’t necessarily harmful, unless you start being hard on yourself. Instead, be kind to yourself by reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that you’re going to learn from them.

By treating yourself well, you’ll naturally be more empathetic meaning that you’ll be kinder to not just yourself but your soon-to-be former spouse, children and anyone else, too.

Dispel your expectations

One of the main reasons divorce is difficult is that, once we’ve decided our marriage needs to end, we also know that much of what we had envisaged for the future is now no longer possible or has fundamentally changed. By letting go of your expectation and going with the flow, you’ll be better prepared for the emotional twists and turns that lie ahead.

Let others do for you

During testing times, there’ll be moments when staying strong just isn’t an option. Try to ‘power-through’ every difficult moment during a divorce and you’ll find yourself feeling overwhelmed. That’s why it’s absolutely vital that you establish a support network of empathetic, caring and approachable friends and family.

Don’t forget that it’s equally important that you ask for help when you need it, though. You’d be amazed how many people tell those closest to them about the fact that they’re getting a divorce only to then feel too embarrassed or even ashamed to call or visit them when they’re finding things difficult.

Everyone needs help from time to time and there’s no shame in that! Divorce is tough, so it’s only natural to reach out for that little bit of help every now and then.

Find the positives

We know that ending a marriage has negative consequences. You’re not going to be able to split your household bills anymore; you’ll be solely responsible for the children most of the time or won’t see them as often; there’ll be more evenings without adult company. Yes, there are drawbacks, but remember that you’re getting divorced for a reason, so try and find the positives.

Whether it’s using the weekends when the children are away for some ‘me time’, being able to decorate your home the way you always wanted to or anything else, there are always positives provided you’re willing to look for them.

Don’t fight your thoughts

Considering that this article has previously advised readers to refrain from beating themselves up, to avoid expectations and promote positive thoughts over negative ones, this advice may seem contradictory, but there’s a big difference between having negative thoughts and indulging them.

Sadly, we will always have negative thoughts – we’re hardwired to and stress only exacerbates this. Whilst they’re inevitable, though, this is largely automated and, by simply letting them be, we’ll be less likely to look for solutions. This, in turn, prevents us from ruminating – which is actually what makes negative thoughts a cause of genuine worry and discomfort.

Conclusion:

There can be little doubt that ending a marriage is a process that is more than capable of having significant and adverse effect on all involved but, by adhering to the advice given above whenever possible, this can be largely negated.   

Jay Williams, author of this article,  works for Quickie Divorce, an online provider of divorce solutions. He lives in Cardiff, Wales with his wife and two-year-old daughter, Eirys.

 

 

 

 

5 Simple & Fun Family Bonding Activities

5 Simple & Fun Family Bonding Activities - Copy (2)   Ways To Bond With Your Children

Did you know the number of divorces has gone down since the 1990’s? It’s true, there are fewer divorces now in the United States than there have been in two decades. But that is little comfort to families who go through it and you might be feeling as though your bond with your children has been compromised in the face of the emotion and stress even the most amicable splits bring.

It is important to nurture your family with quality time. Not only will it help to keep your family close during hard times, but give your children the support they need to adapt and grow. It brings positivity to their daily life (and yours).

Here are five easy, fun activities that you can do with your family to help bring you closer together.

Cook a Meal

Every week my family and I spend the evening making individual pizzas with our favorite toppings, then after dinner we watch a movie. It is the perfect weeknight activity that gives us a chance to spend time together, talk, and do something relaxing at the end of a long day.

Cooking a meal is such a simple way to connect and a lot of fun, too.

Take a Hike

Living in Utah, I consider myself so very lucky. We have trails everywhere, gorgeous mountains, endless lakes…it is an outdoors lovers dream. We try and get out once a month to hike a new trail all together.

It is an adventure each time and my kids love taking pictures on their phones to post on Snapchat to their friends. It has even gotten a few of their buddies involved and hiking with us!

Find the natural beauty where you live and explore it as a family.

Game Night

Whether it is video games or board games, a bit of friendly competition is a lot of fun. There are so many options, as well. RPG tabletops, card games, multiplayer video games…you can find several that will tickle your family’s fancy.

You just might find that game night becomes the favorite night of the week!

Volunteer Together

A less popular, yet amazing, option for bonding time. Volunteering is a way of helping a cause, doing some good, assisting others and still spending time together. All while teaching lessons of empathy and gratitude.

Soup kitchens, nature cleanups, animal shelters…you can find something that works for your family.

Find Local Meetups

Families will often get together for fun activities as a group a few times a month. That might be potluck dinners, park days or local events. It is worth checking websites like Meetup.com for information on what is happening in the neighborhoods around you.

All it takes is a bit of time and creativity and you will be overflowing with ideas on how to spend time and bond with your kids!

Author of this article, Tyler Jacobson, enjoys going to the mountains near his home in Draper, Utah to connect with his wife and children through camping, hiking, and quality time together. When he isn’t rebooting in the outdoors, he shares his fatherly experiences with the world through writing and creative work. Tyler shares the ups and downs of family life and the solutions he’s found through lengthy research and involvement in the industry and his own experiences to help parents everywhere. Follow Tyler on: Twitter | LinkedIn

 

 

Tips For New Graduates To Land Their First Job

Getting that first job is a critical step into future careers, but all too often it can be a real catch 22: all jobs seem to require experience, yet you need to get a job to gain that experience. It can leave you feeling very frustrated and wondering what to do next.

If that sounds like you, don’t worry – with our expert tips you will be able to find and secure that all important first job in no time.

Finding a job opportunity

When you are relatively inexperienced in job searching it can be hard to even find opportunities that might be relevant. It can pay to be a bit creative here; there are jobs available, it’s just a case of finding them (or even making them appear). Here are some suggestions:

  • Job adverts are probably the most obvious options – there are many websites that advertise jobs (indeed.com, monster.co.uk, reed.com etc.). This is good in that it lets you see the types of jobs that are out there, but often the competition can be particularly high when jobs are advertised in this way. Not all organisations advertise their opportunities, so if there’s an opportunity you’re particularly interested in, make a list of employers in that area and check their websites directly.
  • Graduate schemes are eternally popular for fresh graduates, but they’re not for everyone. Not only are they really competitive, a lot of people may find that the nature of the work might not suit them, that said there are many jobs available and it’s always worth taking a look at sites like www.prospects.ac.uk.
  • Internships/work experience are great for getting a foot in the door of your career – particularly if you want to work in the creative industries. However, these are often unpaid which can leave you with a dilemma – if you can afford to work for free then this can really open doors for you. Some organisations do pay interns so it is worth looking around for these.
  • Directly approaching employers can be surprisingly successful. If you want to work in a particular field, then it can be worth sending your CV and a covering letter to a number of organisations in that area. You can improve your chances of success by making sure the letter is addressed to a particular person, and following up with a phone call.
  • Use your network. Don’t be shy to ask people to give you a job or even introduce you to potential employers. It can be useful to draw a network diagram highlighting all of the people you/family/close friends know who might be able to help you. LinkedIn is also good for this.

Acing an assessment

Once you’ve got an invitation to a selection event/interview you’re halfway there – next you need to secure the position. If you’ve never had a (successful) interview in the past you need to spend some time preparing. Here are some useful suggestions:

Research the company. Make sure you know all about the company and the job; you need to be able to talk intelligently about this. Take a look at the organisation’s website, do a google search, talk to people who already work there. Be prepared to answer questions like:

  • Why do you want this role?
  • What do you know about our company?
  • Who do you see as our main competitors?

Package up your experience. You are going to need to talk about yourself and what you can bring to this role. If you haven’t had a job in the past then this can seem quite hard, but don’t worry, you will probably have plenty of relevant experiences to draw upon. The key here is to look for the specific competencies (or knowledge, skills and experience) the organisation is looking for; you’ll be able to find these in the job description or advert.

Let’s look at an example. Perhaps an organisation is looking for experience in ‘Planning and Organising’. Whilst you might not have experience of doing this in the workplace, you probably do have experience of doing this elsewhere. Maybe you had to complete a project or dissertation as part of your studies. How can you relate the things you did to achieve this to competency of ‘Planning and Organising’? Did you make a to do list? Add items to your calendar? Make a plan? These are all good indicators that you can do this so make sure you are really selling the experience you do have.

Practice, practice, practice. We get better at things when we practice and getting jobs is no exception. Get someone to do a mock interview with you so that you know what it feels like to be in that situation. Make sure they give you feedback so that you know how to improve the next time. Lots of careers services offer this for free, but if that isn’t available to you, ask friends or family. There are also organisations or individuals who offer mock interviews and you can find them on google.

Some jobs require you to complete psychometric tests of ability as well as an interview. These tests present you with a number of problems and ask you to solve them within a specified time period. They typically include Numerical, Verbal or Abstract Reasoning. These tests can be tricky and feel very different to things you might have done before, so sitting some practice papers and getting some advice about how to answer the questions is really important this guide is a good place to start.

Manage your impact. It is really important to make a good first impression in an interview, here are some ideas to help you do this:

  • Dress smartly and ensure you are well presented. Neat and tidy is what we’re aiming for here so keep hair styling and make up elegant, and wear clean, smart and ironed clothes. Polish your shoes.
  • Be polite and friendly. Make eye contact and smile. Shake the hand of the interviewer and look at them when you are talking.
  • Get a good night’s sleep before the interview and have something light and healthy to eat before you go in, you need to make sure you have enough energy to perform well.

About the author:   Ed Mellett is an entrepreneur, careers professional and founder of practicereasoningtests.com. He is known for co-founding and launching the leading student and graduate careers website wikijob.co.uk. Now in its 11th year, wikijob attracts over 400,000 unique users per month and is a must-visit resource for students considering their careers post-university. Ed’s other interests include AI, neuroscience and psychology.