Tips On Selling Your Marital Home During A Difficult Divorce

Since people are marrying late nowadays, the average age for divorce is older than it was in the 80s and 90s. People are divorcing in their late 30s and early 40s.

At this stage in life, people are usually established and they have developed a strong attachment to the community and home they live in. If you are this established and are going through a divorce, I appreciate how hard it can be to sell your home.

That said, turning your situation around and achieving joy and happiness is totally doable. You do have to embrace the process of starting anew, though. Part of this process is amicably resolving all outstanding legal issues including the exercise of selling your marital home and dividing the proceeds with your spouse if the situation calls for it.

You actually have two options during a divorce as far as your marital home is concerned. You can:

Whether you choose to sell your home outright to a third party or decide to sell your share of the house to your spouse, one of the first things you need to do is to establish the market value of your property.

Dealing with Third Parties

You definitely need the services of a real estate professional to get an accurate property valuation. You can consult with a real estate agent or hire a professional property appraiser. The person you choose should have extensive verifiable experience with the local real estate market.

The best real estate agents to work with in situations like these are those real estate agents who have had divorcing couples as clients before. If you know a relative or friend who sold a house successfully during a divorce, you can ask them for a recommendation.

You don’t want to add unnecessary pressure to yourself when you are going through a divorce. It is absolutely important that you get a good real estate agent. If you and your spouse cannot agree on the best real estate agent to hire, your lawyers can reach an agreement on one.

Where the property is jointly owned and you are paying a mortgage, the process of selling your share of the house to your spouse is not as simple as removing your name from the title. You will need to liaise with your bank and come up with refinancing terms.

The bank will be interested in a lot of details including whether or not the home is valuable enough to warrant lending out money to your partner to buy you out. They will also look into your history with mortgage repayments to gauge if a new deal is feasible.

The Process of Selling the Home

If you are going to list your property for sale, it is in your best interest to get the best possible price for it. As stated earlier, you will need to get a professional to appraise the property.

Before you get the property appraised, though, you should put your home in the best possible condition for sale. Simple things like a well-manicured lawn, well-maintained gardens, and a fresh coat of paint can increase the value of a property significantly.

Doing these upgrades when you are not on good terms with your spouse may prove to be difficult. This is one of the reasons why you need the services of a lawyer and a real estate agent who has handled a home sale for a couple going through a divorce. They will have the experience to understand the nuances of such a situation and they will also help you keep account of the money you and your spouse spend on home upgrades.

What happens when an offer is made and you can’t come to an agreement with your spouse on whether or not you should accept the offer? The best course of action is to defer to your experienced real estate agent.

Based on the market conditions and the prices similar homes in your neighborhood have fetched in the recent past, your agent can accept or reject the offer. Agency law presumes that an agent will exercise reasonable care when making such a decision. You can sue them for negligence if they make a decision on your behalf without exercising reasonable care.

Sharing the Proceeds

By the time you are selling your property, the court will probably have made a decision on how your assets should be shared. This is not your decision to make independent of lawyers or judges.

Family courts make very clear and explicit declarations on how assets are to be divided when a couple divorces. You will know exactly how much of the sales proceeds are due to you.

If you reach a decision out-of-court with your spouse, lawyers should be present. Any decision you make should effectively be a binding contract. The more engaged in the process you are, the higher the chances that it turns out well for you.

The author of this article is Grace Frenson.

How To Handle Parental Guilt

We are not immune from parental guilt which can be intensified during divorce. One feels like they could have done more for the children, even when nearly at the breaking point. It is a challenge to juggle so many balls in the air during proceedings and not drop one from time to time. We can be our own worst critic – when in reality our actions were fine.

What helps is to have a conversation with the children and tell them that you are under stress. If you snap at the youngsters or are a bit blunt – it is not about them – but rather your tense situation. This helps the kids to feel more secure when told they are not the source of your periodic angry outbursts. When I was about to lose it, I took a time out. I told my sons to let me read for awhile and then I would be calmer.

When feeling that you have failed a child, talk it over with them. Often my sons did not see that anything was wrong, when I thought they were hurt or disappointed. Getting their perspective was a good reality check for me. Apologize if appropriate. Let the youngsters know that you feel badly for what happened. Both of you will feel better afterwards. This is a good example for them to see when someone has messed up, to say that you are sorry.

Even when some things cannot be helped, we still feel guilt. You may have a mandatory meeting at work scheduled during your daughter’s class play. An obligation may keep you from your son’s rugby match. Express your disappointment and let your child talk about how they feel. Reassure offspring that you still love them when you cannot be with them.

Do not label yourself as a bad parent when it is your choice to do something that you need to do for yourself. I recently had to stop calling myself “A bad mum” since I chose to go to a conference in London when my son would be home from university for spring break. I was torn about whether or not to leave, however decided to take the trip. As it turned out, my son had to work and departed before I did.

Notice where in your body you feel tension when you get that parental guilt. It may be a tightening in the chest or discomfort in the gut. When these sensations start to occur, recognize the need to step-back and regroup. Take deep breaths, go on a walk, do meditation or whatever relaxes you to prevent your stress level from escalating

Going out with friends was my cure. Discussing perceived parental shortcomings with others, can help you realize that you are actually doing a great job. Or your friends may have made a much bigger mistake than you did. Nice to know that other parents are not perfect either.  To read more  https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-parental-guilt/

 

Communication Through The Arts For Children With Disabilities

fluteLife can be hard for children with disabilities. Athletic activities may be less practical for children with physical disabilities or difficulty balancing. However, the arts can be a safe space where they can express themselves, develop their minds and bond with others through creativity. Frequently, the challenge can be to get your child interested in an artistic endeavor.  Here are some ways you can help your child tap into their artistic side.

How the arts can help children with disabilities communicate  

The arts are important because even if your child has difficulty in academic subjects, you may find that they are naturally gifted in the arts. Engagement with the arts gives children, who may not be able to express themselves verbally, the opportunity to demonstrate their thoughts and feelings about a range of topics. The process of creation, whether it is visual art, music, or a dance routine, is powerful and helps to build self-esteem and confidence. This can lead to an in increased amount of determination to do well in all other areas of life including school.

Each type of fine art can benefit your child in different ways. Drawing, for example, helps to refine motor skills while teaching your child about shapes, shading, contrast, balance and other mathematical concepts.

How to help your child choose a fine art  

Occasionally, your child will gravitate to a particular subject, topic or form of expression on their own. This makes it significantly easier for you, as you will already have an idea of which type of artistic endeavor they will be interested in. In general, even if your child doesn’t have a particular focus of interest, it is relatively easy to tell. During free time, how does your child behave? Does he draw freehand, hum to himself, or move in rhythm in his chair? Also, how does your child act when around people? Is he gregarious and friendly or more withdrawn? Give them the opportunity to break away from established rules and express themselves artistically without any guidance other than their own inclination. Each of these can be indicating factors that can help you decide which fine art to enroll your child in.

Another way to discover your child’s interests is to expose them to different types of art – try playing different varieties of music, taking them to an art gallery, or going to see live theater. None of these activities are too strenuous for a child with disabilities and can be fascinating for children who have not experienced the arts in person before.

How to encourage your child in music  

If your child is musically inclined, the first task is to figure out what instrument they may wish to play. There are two ways to do this: either talk to them about what instruments they hear in different pieces and songs, or take them to a music shop and let them test out different instruments. Woodwinds including flutes, clarinets and saxophones, can be particularly good for children with impaired hearing, as they will still be able to feel the vibrations of the sound in the reed between their teeth as they play. To encourage your child to play their instrument, show genuine interest. Ask them questions about how their current piece is progressing, or even hold a home concert. If you are engaged in their artistic lives, they will be more likely to stick with it as they grow older.

Even if your child has had difficulty in school, becoming involved with the arts may be the way to get them interested in a wide variety of topics as their confidence builds. Showing excitement at each day’s progress will help raise their self-esteem even more.

Author of this article is Ashley Taylor   ashley@disabledparents.org