Mediation and collaborative divorces have been referred to as “more friendly” with a goal to keep the door open to having a relationship post-divorce. Some people who divorced individuals with personality disorders, felt safer in the court room with a judge presiding. This is particularly true with spouses who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder
People with BPD have a fear of abandonment which can become worse with divorce. They have poor and unstable interpersonal relationships. They tend to put someone up on a pedestal and revere them. When that person does something not liked, they become bitterly despised. People are categorized as being wonderful or not worthy of their adoration. Folks with BPD have overly intense emotions which fluctuate vastly. They are controlling and this includes controlling communication between people they know. BPD people are threatened by a partner’s success so criticize in order to tear them down in the belief it will keep them dependent and prevent abandonment (divorce).
Their impulsive behaviour – affairs, drug use, and alcoholism may be a factor in their partner wanting out of the relationship. People with BPD have a sense of emptiness with a distorted self-image. When married, one may have tip-toed around them to avoid activating the BPD spouse’s intense anger. The departing spouse’s self-esteem may be low after spending time with this judgemental person.
Ways to get through divorce from a spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder include having clear boundaries. You can send a strong message that all communication goes to your solicitor and not to you. Have consequences if boundaries are violated. Follow through with consequences, such as blocking their calls and e-mails or changing your phone number. Instruct staff at work not to put those calls through to you or get a restraining order.
One has to get grounded when starting divorce. Get calm in order to stay focused, as the spouse with BPD will attempt to raise your anxiety. Do not rise to the bait or react to their ploys. Let your barrister or solicitor be the filter that keeps manipulation away from you and deals with it impassively. They get in power struggles even over little issues, so do not get in a battle. Several men I interviewed advised others to let the spouse with BPD feel that they are winning, by giving up more personal property and instead concentrate on the big ticket items. Turn over meticulous documents on finances, particularly showing what you owned before marriage, to keep emotion out of the dealings. Please read more https://www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk/borderline-personality-disorder/